The 4 Types of Introverts – Which One Are You

What comes to your mind when you hear the word “Introvert?” Is it that shy wallflower daydreaming in the social gathering? Or the quiet kid who rarely spoke up in class? But wait, did you know there is much more that describes an introvert than their socializing frequency? Or lack thereof.

Learning more about your personality type helps you communicate your needs to people with different personality types, and strengthens interpersonal relationships.

By definition introverts need time by themselves to recharge and avoid becoming emotionally drained. But according to research by a psychology professor at Wellesley College, there are 4 different types of introverts. These types take into account the varied personalities of introverts and acknowledge that introversion is a spectrum.

With that said, here are the 4 types of introverts:

1. Social Introvert : Yes, you read that right! Social introverts are both the most outgoing and the most private of the four types. They do not feel shy and anxious in social settings and may even enjoy them, but feel emotionally drained if they stay out too long. While social introverts like spending time alone, they still want a few close friends they can depend on, and they tend to be the most social when they’re among this group of friends. Someone who doesn’t know them might even assume they are an extrovert if they meet them when they are hanging out with their close friends. But social introverts won’t share much about themselves to anyone other than their closest friends.

2. Thinking Introvert : Here you can conjure the image of the daydreaming wallflower. Thinking introverts also do not mind socializing, but they rarely do so because they are lost in their own little world. They often find themselves daydreaming and may seem aloof to those who don’t know them. Thinking introverts are also very introspective and therefore more in tune with their feelings than the average person. Other people may have a hard time connecting with thinking introverts because they have a unique thought process and prefer to experience their thoughts rather than taking the time and energy explaining them.

3. Anxious Introvert : Do you know of someone who might replay social encounters in their head and think about they said or did and what they could have done differently. Perhaps a better label for the anxious introvert is the ‘shy introvert’, to differentiate anxious introversion from anxiety disorders. Anxious introverts crave solitude even when they with their close friends. They are extremely uncomfortable in new, or large social situations and analyze on their behavior when they are in public. But it is important to look out for social anxiety disorders and not have the two mixed.

4. Restrained Introvert :  This is your introvert-next-door kind of type. They get uncomfortable if they feel rushed into situations, especially social ones. Restrained introverts are reserved, thoughtful and don’t like change. They will go out if they have planned for it far enough in advance, but they would rather be relaxing by themselves: bingeing their favorite shows, reading or doing yoga. Restrained introverts find comfort in their routine. And may also find it difficult to get their mind and body moving right after they wake up. They thrive in their routine and appreciate ample forewarning.

If you think you are an introvert but didn’t relate to any of these four types, you may be an ambivert. Or closer to the extrovert side of the personality spectrum.

If you are an introvert, which of these four types did you relate to?  

Gaslighting And Its Examples

 Has somebody ever said anything to you that brought you to a halt and caused you to doubt your own sanity? Did it cause you to have doubts about your memories and your understanding of reality? If so, there is a good chance that you been a victim of ‘Gaslighting.’

The term gaslighting is often used by the media these days. The word gaslighting is derived from Patrick Hamilton’s 1939 stage drama, Gaslight; in which a husband mentally manipulates his wife.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse in which the victim is led to doubt his or her own memory of truth, or perspective. It is one of the most pernicious forms of maltreat. It takes direct aim at a person’s sense self-confidence, gradually eroding it until they begin to doubt if everything they perceive, think, feel is genuine or a creation of their mind.

Gaslighting also erodes an individual’s capacity and motivation to confront their abuser, since each time they try, the goalposts are shifted even further to turn their argument against them. Eventually, dreed, and uncertainty renders the victim so helpless that they are easily led into doing anything the offender demands. They relinquish all resistance and become figurative pawns of their manipulators.

Here are 10 examples of what gaslighting sounds like:

DISCLAIMER: Not everyone who uses these phrases is automatically a gaslighter. Gaslighting is intentional; and a gaslighter knows exactly what they are saying and doing.

1. It is all your fault that I do the things I do to you

When a gaslighter is confronted with their actions, they may make statements similar to this. It is a fairly normal reaction to them to put you on the spot and for you to second guess your behavior. They accuse you of wrong doing, without accepting responsibility of their own actions. You could even apologize for things that aren’t your fault in order to reach an agreement with them.

One sign that you might be getting gaslighted is if you always feel like you are messing up even though you are trying really hard to do things right. Your gaslighter wants you to feel like that because they want you to feel like they are doing you a favor just being with you.

This sort of emotional abuse may occur in any relationship, but is most prevalent in romantic relationships.

2. You are too sensitive

At times, being gaslighted may be perplexing, and you may begin to wonder whether you are the one who is overreacting. The abuser will maintain that you are fabricating a situation out of thin air. This will cause you to doubt your own view point and emotionally shut down. Their goal is to make you feel foolish for even attempting to defend yourself. They terminate the conversation and accuse you of being too emotional to deal with it.

3. I don’t remember saying that, I think you made that up

This is a go to phrase that a gaslighter will use to intentionally get you to question your experience, behavior and thoughts in order to take the focus off of them

4. I am sorry you feel that way  

When someone has harmed you and apologizes in this manner, it is not a genuine apology. Rather than that, it is a strategy to make you feel as if you are the problem. They express regret that you feel the way you do rather than accepting responsibility for what they have done or how they have made you feel.

5. No body except me will ever love you

Isolating the victim from friends and family is a characteristic of all forms of domestic violence, and gaslighting is one method of doing so. A person’s loved ones are those who may serve as a reality check, and so the gaslighter may attempt to remove them in order to distort reality.

Keep in mind that you may have heard these things before, but this does not always imply you have been gaslighted or you are a gaslighter. Gaslighting is deliberate, and a gaslighter is well aware of exactly what they are saying and doing. Gaslighting is not limited to romantic relationships. It may occur inside a family or even at your work place.

This One Book Brought Me Back To Life And Made My Heart A Little Younger

I don’t know exactly how to explain it but after reading all those giant self-help books, I created an imaginary identity of who I should be. I started acting like I am way more mature, smart and perfect. Although, I truly respect people who have been through depression, anxiety or any other kind of negative incident yet I always felt that I can never be depressed.

I have everything that I always prayed for yet I felt a void in me as if something is missing. And that something is what I found in The Comfort Book.

After reading The Comfort Book, I realized that no matter how much I have achieved, I am still running behind that ‘perfect self’ that either exists in movies or self-help books. I realized that even though I have become mentally strong, I have forbidden myself to feel, take a break, enjoy the little pleasures of life and take out time for my loved ones.

Here is what I have learnt from The Comfort Book and what all lessons I am implementing.

1. Love:

You don’t have to continually improve yourself to love yourself. Love is not something you deserve only if you reach a goal. The world is one of pressure but don’t let it squeeze your self-compassion. You were born worthy of love and you remain worthy of love. Be kind to yourself.

2. External events are neutral:

Till now, you must have had a belief that everything is either bad or good, right? But that’s exactly where we all go wrong. External events are neutral. They only gain positive or negative value the moment they enter our minds.

Anything we never thought about is neither bad nor good because things are good or bad based on our perception. Once anything, any situation or any person enters in our mind, we perceive them in a certain way (based on our perception) and then we put a label on them. That’s why things and people you have never met are nothing, they hold no good or bad value. They are just they.

But once anything enters in our mind become good or bad and that’s the reason people say,

“There is a power in knowing it is possible to view any single thing in multiple ways”

3. You are as good as dead if:

I have seen people often say on social media that ‘I am alone but enough’, ‘I can live without anyone.’

If you are one such person, hey, you are not alone. I have been there too. I used to think I can enjoy my life all by myself, I don’t need people around me but then I came across this one question from The Comfort Book which goes like,

“How do I stay alive for other people If I have no one?”

This beautiful life is a precious gift that we are supposed to enjoy with our loved ones but have you ever wondered what your future will look like if you keep pushing people away from you. I know and can understand that you should not compromise with your self-respect but can’t you let go of your ego to save a beautiful bond?

I remember when I was in college, one of my friends thought that I spoke roughly with her (even when I didn’t). She then narrated this one incident to our entire friend circle.

Although, I had other friends and was too strong-headed to feel broke after this incident. Yet, I called my friend and said ‘I am so sorry if any of my word hurt you and please know that you are more valuable to me than anything’

Some people might oppose me but I bent down my ego after remembering the past incidents when she was standing with me.

Besides, we have very little time on this earth, why waste it on stupid egoistic arguments?

4. Stay alive for your new version:

Be it you or me, we all have faced adverse situations in our life at least once. There must be times when you feel like, ‘you cannot go on anymore’ but these are the times when you need to take a pause, close your eyes and visualize ‘how your past version has worked hard to reach where you are and how your future version is waiting for you to fight against everything and come stronger”

Speaking from my own experience, my childhood and early teenage years were really horrible in terms of career pressure. All my relatives had only one job and that was to compare me with others and tell me enough times that ‘I cannot do anything in life’

But things change. You are reading an article of a boy who was dumb as hell.

Although adverse situations still happen with me and I feel stuck but after reading this book I realized that I have to keep going on for the past version of me who has gone through so much yet never gave up and for the future version of myself who is waiting to conquer the world.

Get up because the world is waiting to be conquered.

 

For Dr. Chitemwa K, <3 .. 

The Philosophy of Oral Sex

 It has to do with loneliness and self-disgust when we begin as babies in this world. If we are lucky, everything about us is acceptable and adorable, from our toes to our temples. Then gradually we grow up and become ashamed of our nakedness and guilty about so much, it becomes a taboo to touch or be touched. We have no choice but to keep a minimum of 60, or even better, 90cm distance between us and others at all times. But deep inside, we never quite forget the needs with which we were born, to be accepted as we truly are, in every area; hence the significance of oral sex.

It sounds disgusting when we think of doing it with an “inappropriate” person, and that is point: Nothing is erotic that isn’t also, with the wrong person, revolting but with the right person at the precise juncture where disgust could be at its height, we feel only acceptance, welcoming permission.

The privilege nature of a relationship is sealed by an act which with someone would’ve been sickening. Oral sex is interesting and exciting because it’s about closeness. Normal life continually requires us to be polite so much of the time, we have to repress all that is ostensibly bad within us; our lust and our desires.

We can’t both be accepted by society and reveal who we really are. Hence the erotic ecstasy – which is more accurately, really, just emotional relief when oral sex permits our secrets self with all its bad and dirty sides, to be witnessed and enthusiastically endorsed by someone else. The bond of loyalty between a couple, grows stronger with every increase in explicitness; the more unacceptable our behavior would be to the larger world, the more we feel as if we’re building a heaven of mutual acceptance.

Sex liberates us for a time, and that punishing dichotomy between dirty and clean. It literally purifies us by engaging the most apparently polluted sides of ourselves in its games. We can press our mouths - the most public and respectable aspect of our faces, eagerly to the most contaminated parts of the other. Thereby symbolizing a total psychological approval. Much as a priest would accept a penitent, guilty of many transgressions back in the fold of the church with a light kiss on the head.

The pleasure of oral sex is deeply rich and significant. It isn’t primarily about a pleasant physiological sensation at all. It is about psychology, acceptance, and a promise of an end to loneliness.